Thursday, May 14, 2009

heartless biatch

I was once called a “heartless cold biatch”! Everyone goes to some phases in their lives where they feel shit or do some shitty things. I, for one, can attest to that gruesome truth. Modesty aside, I’m one of the many “living proofs” that people do change. Most of the people I know can give that as a positive testimony. (And I’m giving myself a pat in the back for a job well done.) Ahem.

Kidding aside, memory lane hits my cerebral as I become hooked to a simple song entitled “Heartless by Kanye West”. The lyrics sorta reminded me of “my past crazy life” more than a decade ago. It has been ages but whenever I go back to that “old door”, I always feel elated to what life has given me now.

Why was I a “heartless cold biatch”? Maybe it started only as a defensive mechanism, when you felt vulnerable to every single emotion that life has to offer that eventually it started to slowly eat you up into unimaginable pieces tearing you apart inside and out.

It all started with a failed relationship that made me felt trash. Crash and burn deeply into the abyss of darkness. I felt used, abused and left hanging in the cliff of painful and slow death my heart. Along the path of recovery, I wounded many people’s emotion, destroyed their peaceful turf. Pretended I loved and cared for them and hurt them as if I wasn’t feeling any remorse or whatsoever. I wanted revenge for whatever reasons and whoever I’m with.

Looking back, I savored the topsy-turvy world of my bittersweet symphony--- full of grudges, pain and suffering. Then, finally it hit me like a thunderbolt that life is indeed sometimes cruel but you don’t have to be one in order to survive this game called life.

It was a very difficult and challenging journey to despise all the many temptations that the Devil has to offer. But as they say its all in the mind and heart. Focus to change. Have the courage to face your demons and transform your life for better even the best.

Many people think they are doomed to failure. They feel they cannot afford to crawl back up to the deep ground from which they themselves dig. They feel they are buried to this ground forever. But come to think of it, however deep shit you are in and whatever it may possibly be… there will come a time that someone UP there will lift you up and aid you towards the right path. If and only if, realization hits you and you yelled.. “Help!”

As the lyrics echoes in the labyrinths of my eardrum…
“Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless...”

I was once a heartless biatch because I also lost my soul along that crooked road. And I was sorry for those past to whom I have been a cold heartless biatch.

But when I finally walked the road less traveled, my soul found its way back home to me--- a renewed soul breathing a new life far from what I have dreamt of, the best life ever!

So, I say a prayer full of gratitude, as always… (winks)

back in town!!!

I look at my notebook
Opened and started typing a word,
then a sentence
then a paragraph

Im back from hibernation
A long hibernation indeed

So, here I am
Ranting and raving
Of things that matter
Or maybe even not…

Its just that…

Barefoot is finally back again.

Thanks for waiting…

Thursday, January 01, 2009

hapi 2009

happy 2009!
may all of us have a posperous new year
filled with happiness, good health and peace
God bless us all!
happy new year to all!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Ho Ho Ho


Its the season of joyous occassion and celebration

but please dont forget the real meaning of it...

share it with your loved ones and enjoy the holidays

but above all,

tap into our faith and be one with the Lord God Almighty...


Friday, December 19, 2008

decision and faith

There is no right or wrong decisions. You just have to stick and stand by whatever decision you make. These decisions make us whole and are all a learning experience. That’s my stand. And that’s not only what I tell my friends who feel lost in their career or love lives, but that’s what I live by…

The past few months, my faith has been tested again due to the many setbacks in my career life. And for the “nth” time, I cling tightly to the light of hope flickering in the end of a very long, hard and challenging road of my career. I don’t want to dwell on it anymore but instead I see it as a learning experience - making me a stronger and patient person who is still very hopeful and optimistic to a brighter future ahead that will come soon, in God’s own time.

I saw a very good shout out from my friend’s fs account and I wanna “borrow” and add some to it coz this is how I truly feel in my career right now. And this is what I earnestly pray to Him …

“I can’t see the path I should take, Lord. So, I’m putting my hand in yours. Please don’t let me fall and guide me towards the path you want me to travel on. I’m surrendering it all to you, my Lord.”


Thursday, December 18, 2008

wifehood vs motherhood

“I don’t think I can be a wife, gusto ko lng maging isang ina. Yoko ata maging asawa.”

Those were the words that came out from the mouth of my preggy bestfriend who is torn between being a wife and a mother. She is 3months pregnant and is yet to decide whether to be part of the married statistic of the world. She feels that marriage is not for her but motherhood is.

“nde ka ba natatakot na nde magka anak?” I don’t think im fit to become a mother, I am just a wife.”

Honestly, Im really not afraid of it. Maybe one way or another I kinda psyche myself for those things. That is why its no longer a big issue to our marriage. Im very lucky (uber) to have a husband who is very supportive and understanding and plus it’s a consensual decision.

I recently read from the book of Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray and Love her insight on having a child or in motherhood and I will quote a paragraph in her book, which I find very interesting. And I wanna share it to all of you. Here it goes:

How many people have I heard claim their children as the greatest accomplishment and comfort in their lives? It’s a thing they always lean on during metaphysical crisis… If I have done nothing else in this life, then at least I have raised my children well. But what if, either by choice or by reluctant necessity, you end up not participating in this comforting cycle of family and continuity? What if you step out? Where do you sit in reunion? How do you mark time’s passage without fear that you’ve just frittered away your time on earth without being relevant? You’ll need to find another purpose, another measure by which to judge whether or not you have been a successful human being. I love children, but what if I don’t have any? What kind of person does that make me? (Elizabeth Gilbert. Eat, Pray, Love. p. 126)

So, will you become a mother or a wife or maybe both?!?


Thursday, November 27, 2008

i. read.

The past two days I was definitely engrossed on catching up on my readings. The past months, due to school works, I didn’t have the opportunity and luxury to sit down and read a good book. I hardly read books the past months, maybe because I don’t have good books at hand lately, be it owned or borrowed. That is why, thanks to my dearest friend Jack, who allowed me to ransacked her new bookshelf and lend me 3 books to read. And now that school’s over for me (for now) and I’m stuck home babysitting my nephew, I have the comfort of reading. No more excuses.

Reading for me is one of my heavens. It helps me widen my knowledge plus improves my vocabulary. It allows me to gain new insights on things ranging from trivial ones to complex issues. It assists me on ticking on my creative brain lobe and allows my imagination to travel on its own course. It gives me the motivation to blog more since I read more. Its one of my source of inspiration as a blogger, I guess.

For some, reading is very tedious and boring. But for booklovers like me, it is but a refuge. I always tell my husband that I love the smell of books everytime I go inside a library or bookstore, that somehow it kinda possess me and I am transformed into panic mode. That is why, when I have few bucks at hand, I see to it that I don’t go inside those bookstore, for it only pains my heart not to take them all home. (hehehehe) I would want to be their mother and caress them into my arm and tuck them carefully unto my bookshelf. (hehehe) Well, see even now, just by imagining it, I get into a “panic-possess mode” already.

Anyway, I’m enjoying every single second as I turn the pages of the book that I am reading; savoring the moment of getting back on one of my comforts and heavens --- reading.


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

killer PUVs

The past few months there were a lot of road accidents involving public utility buses along EDSA. There were some lives taken, lots of injuries and casualties. And lots of raised issues at hand.

What’s the real problem here? The real problem lies on the irresponsible drivers who feel like kings of the roads and is very omnipotent in the street and lacks the word discipline. Yes, it’s true that we shouldn’t really pass all the blame to them because they are just trying to hit a quota for a living just like an ordinary Juan Dela Cruz whose part of the low income strata of the economy. But still once they’re in front of that steering wheel of a public utility vehicle, they have to be extra careful coz the life of the public who patronizes them is at stake.

With the growing number of accidents in the street involving all kinds of public utility vehicle, it’s a big wake up slap to the government. Someone should make a move and pass a bill, ruling or law or whatsoever you call em. These accidents will not stop unless a specific solution is presented to the growing problem of a killer public utility vehicle.

Saturday, November 01, 2008


pray. remember. reflect.

have a fruitful celebration of the undas...

"Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and

let perpetual light shine upon them,

and may they rest in peace.


Thursday, October 30, 2008

bonding sessions

It’s always a very pleasant feeling to bond with friends even if on a short period of time. The past weeks I had the opportunity to bond with my girlfriends whom I truly treasure for a lifetime.

First stop: sept 27. We always plan for our get together but ended up with just a plan. But this day came as a surprise, my 2 girlfriends schedule finally intersect and one of them had the heart to go all the way from Bataan just to finally make it to our night out after almost 11 months. We are in the usual couple’s night out; we usually bond together with our respective husbands who became friends along the way. Usually, its just 4some since one of us stays outside manila. But this night wasn’t, we became a 3some couples, finally complete. Food and laughter is always in the agenda topped with several reminiscing moments of JOLOGS back in college.

Second stop: oct 24. One of my close friends from the states went on vacation and spent ample yet quality time together. Back in my “professional-working days”, the three of us became closer and was the usual “tres marias” in our unit ward because we share a very unique friendship. The three of us varies in terms of personality, maybe that’s why we all complemented each other and despite distance the closeness of the friendship remained over time.

The last but ultimately not the least stop: oct 25-26, was with my sistahs-my dearly JERMS whom I had been through almost a decade of pure unconditional friendship. We were like teenagers ogling on some acquaintances while surfing the net, singing our hearts and literally lungs out over videoke, pigging out like hungry beast over shared sumptuous meal, and laughing the real laughter coming from deepest happiness. We may not have grandiose get together, formal gatherings, exclusive set-ups and the works. But what we have that others don’t have (most probably) is the real friendship more like a family that lies deep within. Not tainted by fancy gatherings, money talks, childish inklings but rather a priceless bonding that will lasts a lifetime.

As I was eagerly uploading our photos, I was very ecstatic indeed. A bonding sessions with good friends and priceless laughs, nothing can be more compared. Eventhough, most of the time its difficult to make us all physically be present in every bonding sessions, still we are one in spirit (ika nga nila). Despite time and distance, busy skeds and rendezvous, new priorities and new acquaintances, the real friendship still remains and words can’t express how proud I am to be part of this “sisterhood”. That is why il be expecting more bonding sessions and will eagerly take the task of organizing such without hesitations. All in the name of good, true and lasting friendship. BOW!